spot the difference:

a dachshund plays with himself

two meerkats stand to attention

Things I Did Not Know: Part I

daddy lions and baby lions get to eat first,

even if the mummy lion caught the baby warthog (wartlet!)

birds eat cheese, lots of cheese

some elephants have two trunks...

south africans put avocado on pizza, no joke

everyone comes in all shapes and sizes,

even grasshoppers

ivy is not just an outside plant

A(nother) Haiku; Or, September Bed-Hopping

When choosing pillows

The only question can be,

"Double, queen or king?"

zebra crossing

a haiku

The guest house pet:

South Africa's deadliest beast.

Close the gate.

Signs: South Africa's economical way of fixing a problem

goat-napping in the karoo

toothy

bleurgh

yawn

thplllllll

meow

croak

Friday 13th

The world said, “It’s crazy!”, “Don’t do it!”, “You’re daft!”,

But these two just knew they would have the last laugh.

They went in so separate and came out a pair,

Then Kitts got confettied by Lainey and Claire.

A sea of red bridesmaids skipped round on the lawn

(Knowing full well they’d be skipping ‘til dawn).

The girls from St Michael’s all huddled around

And remembered the day that a Breeze came to town.

“Oh, my, what a dreamboat,” they said at first sight,

And all tried to woo him. But try as they might

He only had eyes for the littlest gal,

The one called The Kitten by all of her pals.

Luckily she also knew that she was his,

or else this small poem would be quite amiss.

They linked wings like penguins, they held hands so tight,

Giggling their way through the days and the nights.

(This, Muffy can vouch, is the absolute truth,

For a year she lived next to them under a roof.)

They swapped Leeds for London, for fortune and fame,

Chugging their way into Clapham by train.

Miss Brigg started teaching wee nippers to add,

While Breezy taught adults that smoking was bad.

Then, just as the clock almost struck twenty-ten,

Breezy knew living in sin had to end.

He placed a quick call to a man in Dubai

And bent on one knee, not far from the Eye.

The kitten sat purring, slurping champagne,

Wondering when she could change her surname.

The 13th, a Friday, was the only date,

But these two little lobsters - they just could not wait!

They danced out the chapel and into the sun,

With countless more Friday 13ths yet to come.

Confetti Time

Once upon a tiny time

Someplace not far away,

There lived a Tess who liked

To play piano all the day.

She tinkled with her merry hands

(And sometimes with her toes),

But could not work out how to tap

The keys with just her nose.

Then one day out of Bluesville

Came this thing, there came a Joc,

And he was just the one to teach her

How to play her schnoz.

He walked up to the Tess and on her

Chair himself did plant,

He looked at her and told her

That he did not want her saying “can’t”.

He took her by the hand and said

She should not be afraid:

“It’s not so scary once you have a
Joc to show the way.”

“Just bend your head down really low,”

Said this blonde thing to her,

And so she did but sadly Tess

Just could not make it work.

“I don’t know how,” she said to him,

“To reach those silly keys,

With just my nose - impossible!

Could you please show me, please?”

The Joc just smiled and said “Of course,

I’d do it just for you.

And not just this, but anything;

One’s not as tough as two.”

And so the Tessa and the Joc,

Sat cosy on the stool,

They bent their noses super-low

And played a happy tune.

They tinkled softly through the night

(Much louder in the day),

And playing piano with the nose
Did now just seem the only way.

And so, when one plus one makes two

Then everybody wins,

And here my story ends, you see,

But theirs? It just begins.